661230 - Letter to Sripad Narayana Maharaja written from New York

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His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada


December 30, 1966


"Sri Sri Guru Gauranga Jayatho"

A.C Bhaktivedanta Swami
26 Second Avenue, Apt. # BIR
New York, N.Y. 10003, U.S.A.


Sripad Narayana Maharaja!

Accept my dandavats in this letter. I received your letter dated December 21st and I came to know all the news. I received the passbook and checkbook from Vrndavana Bank. I received the receipts of the deposits. Everything is fine. But the particular work for which I sent the money has not been done. For that you are "regretting." I am also "regretting." I received an enthusiastic letter from Trivikrama Maharaja and immediately I sent him Rs 200/-so he could send me one mrdanga. I do not know what is Srila Prabhupada's desire. I have sent advanced money to everybody, but I have to regret that the work remains undone. I sent Rs 150/- to Sri Tirtha Maharaja five months ago, but still today I am sitting here and regretting that I don't have any mrdanga and karatalas. Kindly you write to Sripad Trivikrama Maharaja that he should not give me a reason to be regretful. He should arrange to send the mrdanga and karatalas as soon as he receives my letter. My lamentation is that if Srila Prabhupada was alive, he would not have given me a chance to lament. When there is a war, the government stops all other work and make special arrangements to send weapons. There may even be some waste of necessary supplies in the war field, but still there is not a lack of supplies. The government pays special attention to that. When Bon Maharaja went to London, Srila Prabhupada sent Rs 700/- by telegrams every month for three years. This was thirty years ago. After thirty years everything costs ten times more. For my house rent alone I pay two hundred dollars monthly, which is Rs 1500/-. Besides this the electric bill, the gas bill, the telephone bill, and feeding fifteen people costs Rs 6000/- per month. In addition, Back to Godhead is being published. I have sent Back to Godhead to you in the first mailing. I didn't expect any help in regards to this from my Godbrothers. I only begged a little co-operation from them. Even in that I am unsuccessful. Certainly Srila Prabhupada is helping me. Otherwise, how could an insignificant person like me have given two or four people a chance to become Vaisnavas?

The general people are all intoxicated and loafers. It is very popular here to impregnate women, and then take them to the doctor and give them an abortion. This is common. They have no lamentation for this. You cannot imagine from there, how difficult it is to make them accept good sadacara (behavior according to scriptural injunctions). It is so much mercy from Srila Prabhupada that this kind of "kirata-hunandhra-pulinda-pulkasa" (lowborn) national people are taking up sadacara. They are giving up illicit relationships with women, intoxication, marijuana, tea, coffee, everything. Having given up meat they are eating dahl, capati and rice and are very happy. They do kirtana and harinama every morning and evening, and do sandhya before Srila Mahaprabhu's picture. To honor the guru-varga, as soon as they see me, they pay obeisances. I never expected so much. They are not foolish or inactive. Some are MA and BA, and they are earning three to four thousand rupees per month. Most of them, at least two of them, give me all their money. That is why it is possible to spend so much. It is not possible to beg here. It is not possible to run a matha or temple if money does not come from earnings. Here it is not possible to go from door to door to beg flour and rice. Without notice it is not possible to meet with any gentlemen. It is necessary to make an engagement beforehand. Along with all this inconvenience, in this faraway foreign country, I am working alone, helplessly. My only hope is Srila Bhaktisidhanta Sarasvati Thakura. I have no one else. In my house my wife and son did not help me, so I left my home. I thought the Godbrothers would help me, but even that I did not get. That is why, when you wrote in your letter dated 20.9.66 "I will always be ready to serve you from India in any way I can." And hearing this I was very hopeful. But in your letter, 13.11.66, two months later, you wrote that Tirtha Maharaja was coming to Vrndavana so "if you let me know by letter, he will arrange to send everything to me. Then I will give all of the money into his hand." Thus I was forced to write to you to deposit all the money in the bank. Otherwise there was no other reason. Anyway, forgetting all this, if you can help me from India, you will certainly attain the mercy of Srila Prabhupada. In my old age I have taken so much risk, but not to fulfill any of my own desires. Srila Prabhupada had desired this work, and I am trying to fulfill that desire according to my ability. Personally I have no ability. My only hope is Srila Prabhupada. So if you help me in any way, know that it will certainly be all auspicious to you.

Yours,

Srila Bhaktivedanta Swami

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