CC Antya 1.152
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada
TEXT 152
yasyotsaṅga-sukhāśayā śithilitā gurvī gurubhyas trapā
prāṇebhyo ‘pi suhṛt-tamāḥ sakhi tathā yūyaṁ parikleśitāḥ
dharmaḥ so ‘pi mahān mayā na gaṇitaḥ sādhvībhir adhyāsito
dhig dhairyaṁ tad-upekṣitāpi yad ahaṁ jīvāmi pāpīyasī
SYNONYMS
yasya—of whom; utsaṅga-sukha-āśayā—by the desire for the happiness of the association; śithilitā—slackened; gurvī—very great; gurubhyaḥ—unto the superiors; trapā—bashfulness; prāṇebhyaḥ—than My life; api—although; suhṛt-tamāḥ—more dear; sakhi—O My dear friend; tathā—similarly; yūyam—you; parikleśitāḥ—so much troubled; dharmaḥ—duties to My husband; saḥ—that; api—also; mahān—very great; mayā—by Me; na—not; gaṇitaḥ—cared for; sādhvībhiḥ—by the most chaste women; adhyāsitaḥ—practiced; dhik dhairyam—to hell with patience; tat—by Him; upekṣitā—neglected; api—although; yat—which; aham—I; jīvāmi—am living; pāpīyasī—the most sinful.
TRANSLATION
“‘Desiring the happiness of His association and embraces, My dear friend, I disregarded even My superiors and relaxed My shyness and gravity before them. Furthermore, although you are My best friend, more dear to Me than My own life, I have given you so much trouble. Indeed, I even put aside the vow of dedication to My husband, a vow kept by the most elevated women. Oh, alas! Although He is now neglecting Me, I am so sinful that I am still living. Therefore I must condemn My so-called patience.’
PURPORT
Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī is speaking this verse (Vidagdha-mādhava 2.41) to Her intimate friend Viśākhādevī.